Sometimes it is easier to ignore something you should do than to just do it.
Sometimes it is hard for the universe to get its point across without the ability to use actual words.
For a very long time I had been wrestling with the feeling that something in my life needed to be let go, that something fairly drastic needed to change. But I could not put a finger on it. It made me feel very unsettled and frustrated and stuck. I was in a loop of feeling bad that I just could not seem to get out of.
After some very crude, drastic and extreme actions and reactions, I have come to realise that it is time to move on. Time for Elcarim Farm to find a new home.
I have lived here for 12 and a half years. My children have known no other home. My elderly dogs and middle-aged cats have spent their entire lives here.
These walls have seen the rise and fall of two significant relationships. And more recently the rise of another.
I am no longer the person I was when I moved here. Everything about me has changed since then. The only thing anchoring me in the past is this house, this property. It has for a long time been MY house, my place where I would Do Everything Myself!
Except that now I don’t have to do everything myself. I have a supportive and respectful partner and two increasingly capable children. It is time for us to go somewhere better. Somewhere that is ours rather than just mine.
Callum asked me if our new place would still be Elcarim Farm. I told him that it certainly would, because Elcarim Farm is wherever I live with my animals and family.
I have a beautiful timber property name sign, with a picture of my special goat Victoria, ready to be hung at our new home.
So we are preparing this place for sale and looking around for properties that might suit. We want to upgrade. I want a nice, big kitchen with plenty of storage space for brewing, soap making, cheese making and a big enough oven to do my sourdough bake in one go. We need three bedrooms and somewhere for the kids to play, as well as somewhere for the adults to watch TV, since I refuse to allow televisions in bedrooms. I want bathrooms that make good use of space, and a master bedroom set away from the busy parts of the house so that Matt can sleep after night shift without the rest of us disturbing him. We need good fences and shedding for the goats and poultry, and plenty of space for the goats to graze and browse over. We need plenty of room for me to set up new gardens and plant fruit trees. The ducks need somewhere to wash and swim.
I want a house with character, not soul-less or sterile. With carpet in the bedrooms and hard floors in the dining area. I want a wood fire, but the option of heating at the flick of a switch. Solar power would be great, but a lack of it is not a cull trait. Definitely no internal brick archways. And I want to keep the kids in their school.
There is not much around at the moment. The agents we have spoken to have all complained that there are just not many properties available, but say that things will pick up in the next few months. Our own agent is keen to start actively marketing my place, but there are a few things finish off first. The hole in the roof where the old wood fire flue was removed is booked to be fixed next week, and we still need to arrange a load of gravel for the driveway.
But the kids’ end of the house has been ruthlessly decluttered and now looks great. The fifth bedroom/gym now has a bed and a few ornamental bits and pieces, so you can see that even though it is small, it is still big enough to be a bedroom. All that remains is to clean off the porch, do a tip run and clean the windows. Then we will be a quick vacuum, mop and dust away from presentable.
It is a daunting prospect. How long will it take to sell? What if we can’t find what we are looking for and end up homeless with three dogs, sixteen goats and a flock of poultry?
But if I have trusted the universe to give me the message that it is time to move on, I must also trust it to get us to where we are going. I am sure it will be stressful and challenging at times, but I believe it will all work out in the end.
Right now I feel better than I have for a long time. I feel like I have finally found the right path, and that for a while I just have to follow it and see where it leads.